I wish you wouldn't.

Please. Don't hold my hand, ever, unless you mean something. Don't kiss me on the cheek like that, unless you mean something. Do not fucking smile at me that way and stroke me, unless you mean something.

Get out of my head, wear off, nothing is going to happen. I'm too far into it in my head for reality ever to even begin to catch up. Reality is left far, far behind, and instead I have exaggerations, hopes and wishes and fantasies and partial memories.

I waste time on the stupidest things. Thinking of you for example. I didn't want it to be this way - I wanted something to happen quickly and then have a nice, concluded memory in my head. Not the kind of ludicrous idiocy that's going on there at the moment.

It was fun, for a week, while I still had some realistic hope. But now it's just sad, and I can't stop hurtling down this damn tunnel that I know leads nowhere.

I hate that stupid metaphor. "Hurtling down a tunnel", "Rushing down the alley of blabla", "Falling down into the abyss of blabla" etc. Fuck off, idiotic typical metaphor pieces of shit.

Hell. If I only knew what people really wanted me to be. What really worked. Because this particular personality apparently doesn't cut it.

3 comments:

Anna said...

Restrict yourself to Gothenburg.

Flaky said...

who is this person, where did u meet him?

Marina said...

All in my head, dears.