It's like I said before

I feel trivial things too much, and important things not at all.

Maybe, instead of moving out and "running away" to be a bad person, I should just work on staying here and becoming a good person. That would be the easiest thing. Don't get mixed up in all kinds of crap. Just lead a normal, honest life. And be good at it.

I feel like making a surprise comeback. Federer inspires me. What I'm going to say now is blasphemy, but: I can relate to his tennis.
And the things everyone says about my talent... One of the best was probably in the beginning of December, after a training: "You'll be no. 1 in 5 years". And I know I could do it. I just have to get through IB, then maybe have fun for a week or so, and start training again. I enjoy it, I love the combinations I can do, I love the kick I get from a perfect rally, a perfect shot. Not everyone has that joy and the opportunity to feel it as often as I get to with my game.
I'd also like to think I've matured a little bit, mentally. Instead of having a chronic case of negative distancing, I think I can now change perspectives to my gain. But then, I haven't played proper matches for a long, long while. I don't know how I'd handle the real pressure of a whole match, a whole tournament.
And then - like a discussion I had with a friend once - there comes a point where your talent doesn't matter anymore. The advantages and ability you had before are cancelled out, the other people have trained themselves to it. That's one thing I find unbelievably depressing. (But, in my overblown ego, I believe that what I have, no-one else has, and never will have. Which is the basis for my "silver platter" expectations.)
Perhaps it'd also help me that I have better confidence nowadays. Maybe that'll spill over onto the court, as well. I can believe in myself.
I know what to do.

Another thing - I think I'm going word blind. I need to read more, or something. It's sick.

6 comments:

Flaky said...

word blind you lol!
You did sound a bit big headed, but if you believe it go for it!!!

Marina said...

I'm dead serious! I keep writing words like "black" and "had" wrong. I notice that there's something wrong only in the last minute :S

Well, if we all were in touch with our best abilities we'd all sound bigheaded when actually being realistic.

Anna said...

Well if you train then you will have both the talent and the learnt advantages...so that's okay.
I think it's too soon for you to be big-headed. Sure you have the potential, but a) other people do too and b) you need to put in effort to develop it and use it?
I think it'd be good for you to give tennis another go. Since you're taking a year off, you might as well. If you don't get to become number one at least your training state will be where you want it to be now.

Marina said...

I think anyone would find it hard not to be bigheaded when being told almost every time they go to practice how much talent they have, either by coaches or players.

And then, as a consequence, I end up having more pressure and expectations on me when I do try to make something out of myself.

So here are the consequences of being "talented" - you become bigheaded and have a lot more expectations on you.

Great, ain't it?

Flaky said...

Your not the only one being told they have talent!

Marina said...

If you mean you are as well, I'm talking tenniswise.

And if you mean the other people at tennis... Then let's take this over MSN. It's too long.