Dreary blog.

I just realised that my blog is pretty dreary. It does not at all reflect the bubbly personality I sometimes squeeze out of myself. Heh.

But right now I don't see what there is to be happy about. I have tons of schoolwork which will kill me in the near future. I have an extreme infatuation which I have no power to affect in any way. I have a few extra Christmas and New Year's kilos and I'm sick so I can't really train that much, or do much at all, and anyhow - technically I don't have time with all the schoolwork I'm meant to be doing. I'm almost broke and don't have time to go shopping anyway. The weather is bloody awful. I have one close friend and she has about as much schoolwork as me, and no opportunity to go out in the evenings and have fun with me. My old friends are slowly but surely drifting away, and don't seem to be as perplexed and bothered by this as me. I'm 18 in 10 months, which I will never make it to because IB is going to kill me. I should be happy about graduating soon but IB is going to kill me. I have a house full of relatives, one of whom (the practically mute six-year-old) seems to be permanently attached to me. I also have a semi-stalker who seems to be electronically attached to me, and I can't be bothered to tell him off. Oh, and top that - I am supposed to be writing part of my mother's article about a professional tennis player I haven't seen play for ages, tomorrow.
I want to go out in the evenings and have fun but a) no-one ever wants to or can go with me, b) I'm sick, c) technically I don't have the time, d) I am not allowed and e) all of these previously mentioned things make me rather depressed.

Now yes, there are a lot of people who have it worse than me - at least I have a school to go to, relatives who like me, one friend isn't so bad, 10 months isn't so long, infatuations pass, colds get better, you know you look good even though you gained some, and you should be happy you have food enough to gain weight at all you ungrateful Western teenager!

But fuck it, there aren't a lot of things brightening up my days right now.

11 comments:

Flaky said...

I know how you feel! As for fucking friemds I am right here! But u and especially anna have decided keeping in touch with me doesnt seem worth much effort!

Marina said...

How much support can we really give eachother, being in different countries? Seriously. I'm not online on MSN enough to catch up on everything we've missed.

Anna said...

Excuse me? I talk to you on MSN more than Marina...
So I don't like writing stuff on my blog...EMAIL me.

Marina said...

YES! Let's start a bitchfight about who keeps in contact better! You go girls!

Anyhow, I know I keep in touch worse than Anna, so I capitulate prematurely :P

Flaky said...

lol its not about amount of in touchness it s about quality lol

Marina said...

How are we supposed to catch up properly, qualitatively, on all that we've missed? It's impossible, and I know I'm bad at keeping contact with friends who are abroad.
I think we've changed, too, which doesn't make things easier.

Anna said...

Keeping in touch is more than babbling on about your own day.

Marina said...

Who was that dissing? Me?

Anna said...

Her.
You live here. Even if you go on too much about yourself, you still bother to ask and stuff.

Flaky said...

So we should just give up I gather?

Marina said...

I rock at giving up!